King Arthur
(2004, Antoine Fuqua, USA) [36 out of 100]
As I sat and watched this latest version of the legend of King Arthur, I couldn't help but harken back to 1975 and Monty Python and The Holy Grail - Still the best Arthur ever done. In that film there was the made-up character of cowardly Sir Robin, played by Eric Idle, who, at the slightest sniff of terror would run the other way, all the while screaming like a little girl. As I watched Antoine Fuqua's King Arthur, I couldn;t help but sympathize with poor Sir Robin, for I too, wanted to run from the theatre, screaming like a little girl.
-July 14, 2004
Sure, everything is in its neat little place just like any Bruckheimer Production - the sets are shadowy, the costumes are drearily on the mark and the sound is pitch perfect. But while all that production is going on, they forgot one little thing - a story that anyone with an IQ higher than old Forrest Gump's could enjoy. This film is a mess from beginning to end, with all its hilltop posturing and tagline bellowing and strategically-placed fog machines.
Clive Owen is completely wasted here (and I can't wait to wash this taste out of my mouth by seeing Owen's other new film now playing in NYC; I'll Sleep When I'm Dead) and as for Keira Knightly, playing a beautifully S&M clad, blue-tinted, Druidish Guenivere, shown here as a wild woman from the forests of Briton who had been held captive in a dungeon for who-knows-how-long - but gee her nails are so perfectly manicured ???
The Bruckheimer cash machine can buy you a lot of pretty props and sets and a bunch of authentic looking 5th century a.d. rocks, but lacking any real talent from a studio hack like Fuqua (the well-acted but poorly directed Training Day) all we get is a sub-standard Hollywood fickle fest full of overblown testosterone. And hey, why - WHY - do so many Hollywood directors insist on filming massive battle scenes where no matter what, the main stars will somehow all find each other and pair off in their own little contests of wills ???